Mawaige is wat bwings us togever today.

I'm Back!   

After an exceptionally long hiatus (I hope I used that word correctly.) I decided it was high time that I come back.

And  I am now married.

Which is why, I've decided, that I took such a long break.  It took and my time and energy into roping in my wife so that she would be convinced enough to marry me.  Finally, it worked.  We were married at the beginning of August and it had been great ever since.  It's nice not to have to say goodbye at night.

But on and on again, what has happened.  Sadly so much time has passed that I don't think it would be wise to go back and comment on everything I could.  So I start anew.

The Olympics just finished!  what a wonderful thing to watch.  It is interesting to see a few people from each country get together to test their training and see who happens to be the best that day, since I believe the results could change another day.

Anywho, I will add more later, but I have enjoyed this short chat that we were able to have.

Change, my friend, this is what we call change

School ended last week. I have to say that I am glad that it is over for the time being because I was all schooled out. But it did not happen smoothly. It seemed as if Rexburg knew that it was the end and wanted to make sure that those leaving would remember the true weather. Following several days of gorgeous weather there came a storm of the likes that I had not seen in awhile. The region roared back it's head and pummeled our little town with snow and a wind that must have rivaled the wind from a ocean storm. So I left that town in the cold. And if that was not enough, the Rexburg weather flung his influence far south that affected my home state.
But that is all in the past now. I currently am experiencing a sunburn from working outside yesterday. What a difference.
It was a gorgeous day today. Warm with a slight cool breeze so as not to get too hot. I worked all day hauling HUGE rocks, tearing sheet rock down, pulling insulation out, hauling more rocks, and transplanting some plants.

"yes, Mr Plant, the doctor will see you now."

I have yet to see if the operation worked. Cross your fingers.

But the day has left me tired and sore, which I will enjoy. That is a sign that you have made progress. Stronger muscles and farther along in the project.

Don't you hate it when you come across a tune in a song that is one of the most beautiful things ever and it only is a part of the song? They don't even expound on it, which is an awful thing to do. So the only thing left is to repeat that one part again and again not quite feeling satisfied because you have to repeat it again far too soon. I wish I could write music so I could take that tune and write one song, or a score that would leave me feeling full circle after listening to it.

I love books. I love the story. There are days that I could sit all day and just read a book because I am so interested in finding out how the story unfolds. The library has been nudging me since I've been home to come and visit, and more importantly, leave with a book. I could use a good story right now.

Poems, Mutual Acquaintances, and Chinese

It was kinda weird to hear from her. It had been two weeks since I had last talked to her and that was a first. I hadn't gone more than 5 days without talking to her since last June. I didn't want to sound too excited because it seemed that it would be counter to what I had told her the last time we talked. Our brief conversation turned to us, no surprise, and it was interesting. Indecisive, she said that I was, and that was something she couldn't deal with right now. She needed someone who was sure of what they wanted and would be a pillar. I thought about this for a second and realized she may be right. Though she may have just been talking about us I thought to myself that it seemed to extend beyond that and, I admit, I didn't like that. I also believe there was a second effect to what she said. Her comment gave me a resolve, which was shaky, to stick with my decision. It was probably the opposite thing she was trying to accomplish or for which she wanted. But she had to go do something and like the last conversation, it ended with things unsaid. I told her I needed more time....and space.......which she said would be fine, so we said goodbye and I went on to fail a midterm.

Hallelujah

I just cannot concentrate for the life of me. I have a paper due here in a couple of days and I can do nothing but listen to the song Hallelujah and sit and wonder what on this good green earth I am going to write about.

So let's loosen my fingers a bit.

Today I woke up feeling pretty good. I ran 5 miles last night. I couldn't concentrate on homework and I had so much energy I just kept on going. I didn't stop when I usually do and I couldn't help but concentrate on going farther and farther. It felt good and I woke up refreshed but tired. It's a good combo in my humble opinion. It was also rather warm. I'd say shorts weather for here, of course it was only in the high thirties I believe. But, man, it felt so good not to have to wear a jacket or a coat. I really do enjoy the warm weather.

If I can survive this week school wise I believe this semester will turn out rather good. I hope that I can get everything done that needs to be done and without experiencing death-by-schoolwork. I really, really do not want to pull an all-nighter.

I went to Last Poet Standing tonight. It's where students read their original poetry and each week one person is let go. I have really enjoyed them so far. I realized yesterday that one of my favorite poets is in one of my classes. If I could I would write poetry. Sometimes I feel that poetry is the only way to effectively express feelings. I will someday improve on that skill, but not today.

Well, I believe it is time to go. I will go buy some chips......hopefully to help me concentrate. I know, I'm not sure how they will but it sounds convincing to me and that's enough right now.

Sense of accomplishment comes from doing what you know to be right, regardless of their difficulty.
I am now sitting back, drinking a Stewart's root beer(4 for a buck! how do you pass that up?), after making and eating dinner. My hard accomplishment of the day.
It's been a rather quite day. Church in the morning, nap in the afternoon, dinner in the evening. I have religion homework that I should do but, in true spirit of this whole weekend, I am putting it off. I've decided that either I've become trunky way too early for this semester or it hasn't worn off yet from last semester. Luckily my school load isn't too much. Maybe that's a bad thing, no drive to get my rear in gear. But I am pulling it off.
Today I have achieved the peak of my annoyance with my roommates. Now let's put this in relevancy, in alll fairness I am not that annoyed with them. I think they are pretty cool, but it is so blatantly obvious that they just got out of high school that it's pathetic sometimes. I don't like the idea but it's bugging me that I may have to play mom. I'd rather take the Drill Sergeant approach. But I feel that would quickly lead to bad feelings in the apartment. Though I still think that leaving clothes in the bathroom is a I'm-not-ready-to-be-an-adult show of character. (I have a feeling that I could be pegged on this one sometimes, but it's college, at least I don't do it here!) But they are still pretty cool kids, just need some life experience.
I went and saw Vocal Point yesterday. Absolutely fantastic. I loved it. Even though I couldn't find a date! (I tried all week) I wish they would come more often.
I'm reading a book on combat. the psychological and physiological effects on the body from combat. I find it rather interesting. He talks about how the intense fear that comes from high-stress situations makes us lose our fine motor skills. That is why training is so important. When something high stress happens you fall back into instincts. An example he shared is that, as families, you should unplug the phone and practice dialing 911 with your kids because in a situation where someone is scared they will forget what to do if they have not practiced it. He said to do this once a year. That way when someone is super scared they can react automatically and dial 911.
I would love to go to Europe right now. A good walk in the city of Colmar in eastern France or Bienne, a half german, half french city in Switzerland. I loved it in the winter time there. I really need to go back.
Well, I am going to enjoy the rest of my evening.

Let us not pity...

Well, here I am, after a long absence.
I figure a major reason I miss being full time in my job is that it gives me the ability to concentrate. particularly not on dating. I don't know why it's been on my mind so much. It's driving me up a wall. both because I feel a little highschoolish about it and because i seem to have luck in all the wrong places. I would like it to just be smooth.
One girl is the current focus. and I don't like it. it's just a pain in the teepee. and I'd rather not deal with it. I've been tempted to just talk to her about it but that would probably be awkward. i have a hard time just letting things pan out. I'd rather establish what's going on. saves time and effort. I also am wondering about what to do with some other girls that apparently really like me. I don't know what to say to them. and it's annoying. first because I just don't feel the same and secondly because I feel like I'm in their shoes with someone else. which is more humiliating than anything. all this is in light of the fact that there is a girl that I get along with exceptionally well and who would date me(if the time was right) but, for some reason, I don't see it working out right now. which continues to leave me in a pickle.
I figure the only reason I bother with this so much is because school isn't really holding my attention very well. call it a small form of ADD. the military did wonders, I never had much time to think and I did love it so it allowed me to concentrate. School has yet to do that. I'm just glad I don't have school tomorrow. I just need a balance. I need a change of pace. something to keep me going I guess. I have no idea how I am going to endure two more years up here. *disclaimer* it is rather late so you are reading me at my pinnacle of rants.
I hate the commercials on pandora. sell outs.
on a better note I like all of my classes! that is much better than last semester. I hope it stays that way. I would like to have a good semester up here.
well, I'm super tired and i will prolly have more upsetting dreams. I've been having some latley. last night was a pitched battle in Iraq. I never like killing in a dream. it seems way too real. ugh, not excited for tomorrow.
I do have some things to say on moral discipline. I really think that this is important. regardless of what you want you should have a moral compass. this will lead to more happiness than doing what ever willy-nilly will ever do. A consecrated life is what I need to strive for.

Alter-Ego???

Something recently caught my attention. For the past year and a half or so people that I meet or am acquainted with believe that I am married and are surprised when they find out that I am not. This slightly baffles me because I am not sure what I do that gives off a 'married' vibe. Maybe this is the root of all my lack of dating. I asked some friends why people may think that way and they say it's because I seem wise for my age. That makes me laugh but I am still confused what I do exactly to exude the married persona.

Flu Shots

It was first on the order of business. Flu shots. Free flu shots. They lined us up in no particular fashion, my platoon was first. once they got started it was rolling pretty fast. I stepped up, stated my name to be checked off a roster saying that I did this (they are making sure everybody does) and i de-bloused and rolled up my left sleeve.

"Have you had bad reactions to flu shots before?" stated the captain rather non-descript.

"no sir"

"have you had a fever in the last 24 hours?"

"no sir"

came the reply and with an attitude like he had been doing this the last 24 hours he summarily stuck me with the needle. Just another soldier in the life of the day of this doctor. It didn't really hurt at all when it was first inserted but he wasted no time injecting me with the virus, which ended quickly and kinda hurt towards the end. a bit of blood was running down my arm and I was a bit sore but I survived the shot. I put my blouse back on and continued with the day.
I enjoyed the weekend. Being home was really nice because for some reason I felt like a kid again. I half expected dillon and mckay to come up to do something. Maybe it was where I slept. It had been a very long time since the last time I slept in that room. It was rather nice and relaxing. I have good memories of the days when alot of people occupied the upstairs. At one point we were all up there except for Lincoln. That was fun. But I have no idea how it was done now that I think about it.

I do love fall.

The semester is a little over half way over. I still think it's amazing how quickly it's going. Hopefully I can keep up.

By the way, my arm is still rather sore from the shot yesterday

And It's Brighter Than Sunshine

I think I just realized something. Let me frame it.

I feel like I have no direction.

I hate that.

I think that's why (here comes my realization) I was generally happier while at training, a more cruel and harsh environment, because at least there I had a direction and an end goal that would perpetuate beyond the current reality. This does not seem to be the case here. The credit cap and social pressures refuse me leeway to find something that I actually care about spending mucho dollars on and giving the time to it (i.e. career, my life outside of family and church). I have no idea what I am going to do with my degree.
But, on a good note. I am going to a choir concert! that's like ice cream on a bad day. I don't really hate it that bad though. Just getting use to change.

So a person who does not believe in God and that all people are his children, where do they get the authority to say that they deserve rights? (I do not believe this way but I am curious)

Good to see you again.

It's been awhile.


I've been meaning to write. There are sseveral things that I would have written about. but I guess I never got around to it. This post does not come without sacrifice though. I am procrastinating doing homework, which means that I will be up later than I really should. But at this moment I don't really care.

The summer ended well. It was a good summer. Not what I expected but I'm fine with that. It ended, in my opinion, with a bang. I went to my first Military Ball. It was exciting and I though that my date looked exceptionally nice. Beautiful if I must. But then it led me to here. BYU-I

Which part of me is not wanting to be here. Maybe it's school in general. I dunno. I think it's my mood of tonight but it's growing old.

Classes are going well. I enjoy my Political Science classes, feel impartial about my religion class, and don't really care for my Military Science class.
I do enjoy learning about governments and law. What they are and how they operate. It's interesting to me to study these things. Some things I get some I feel that I am lost in the sauce. But all in all I enjoy it.
I went to court today for one of my classes. That was really interesting. It was mainly for motor infractions and what not. Some people really got a beating (not literally) when their sentencing happened. One girl got a 1400 dollar fine for not having proof of insurance for the second time.

Ouch.

On the other hand a gentleman came in with a smile on his face. He was the exception to this lot of law breakers with solemn faces. One guy was caught with illegal substance. Oops!

Another happy face in court.......

Girls. Sigh.
Did you know that two of my prospects for this semester fell through this semester??? in a matter of two days! This is NOT encouraging when there is someone who I want to be with and she with me. (why we are not is a long story, all you need to know is that we are not and that I know what I'm doing....sorta.) It was a bummer blow. I will never understand.
On top of that all I feel like I can do is stand there and take the lumps. I don't even have a desire for the military to save me and send me far away.

I am watching the time slip away, knowing that with each succeeding minute I am prolonging the inevitable.

Homework


I went home for the day today. Actually I got in last night. It was good to be home. reminds me how much this place is not home. I would actually just rather live a quiet live in Mantua.
Yes, that sounds really nice right now.

We The People.....

Today is the 4th of July. I woke up and the weather looked about the same way I felt. Cloudy.

I wonder why it is that when you want something and that something becomes an actual possibility you second-guess and wonder if that's what you really want.

Today is the birthday of the United States. I am really thankful for the opportunity I have to serve in it's military. I don't think it's perfect but I do believe that it gives the chance for people to choose. That is really important. But to be honest I don't fight for obscure principles that are debated in Washington. I fight so that people have the chance to choose good. But mainly I fight so that my family can continue to be the force for good that they are in this world. I love this country and I hope that we do all we can to merit the grace of God to continue to prosper and give people the chance to progress. I will always defend the Constitution and what it stands for as guiding principles of freedom.

The weather has improved and my mood with it. I think that I will figure out what I need to do, probably after a few bouts of panic but I will get there.

Happy Birthday America. You're not perfect but you're still great.

The Sword of Justice

I read something from a friend of mine that made me cringe. She is dealing with some retardedness and I am surprised at people for some of their reactions to what she wrote.
No one should ever be treated the way she is by some people. People need a wake up call every once in a while.

I met my friend some time ago while I was attending education week. For some reason I can still remember exactly how she looked and what she wore. Yeah, I know. Random. But it's true. She left quite the impression on me, enough that I had a crush on her for the better part of two years. She doesn't know this and it makes me laugh sometimes. But recently, after not seeing her for a long time, she showed up again. This time it was by phone and I was quite surprised. The circumstances in which that was in wasn't the happy-est(spelling???) but I thoroughly enjoyed talking to her. This started a string of phone conversations while I was in training that I looked forward to. It was so nice to talk to someone that not only shared values but interests so I didn't run out of things to say in 20 minutes. I really appreciated this line of support though she may not have realized how much it helped. She is very up front about things and she has a great outlook on life and strives to keep the Lord close. ((I just got a text from her saying she is coming this Saturday, random. she once said that when she was about to talk to me on the phone for the first time she felt a little nervous. I think now I reciprocate the feeling. Weird.))
In any case, I read something that she had written about and that is what caused me to write this. She is dealing with a some bums in her life. Man is responsible for his standing before God, family, and country. No one cannot consider himself a true man (or woman) who does not strive for this.
I know it isn't my responsibility to make everything all right but I do wish there is something I could do, in return for her help to me while I was away.

I hope that someday people will come to know of the peace that comes from following Jesus Christ. It will rid this world of alot of unnecessary pain.

BYU-Idaho

This trip back up to Rexburg has been very interesting. Yesterday was rather cloudy and depressing. I found that most of the day I was wondering why I came up and why I was coming back here. I felt so outside of everything and like I was looking in from the outside (maybe it didn't help that I was sleeping in my car on the outskirts of town haha!) But today has been much better, and the sun is out. I realized that my experience in the Army has changed me beyond return and that I will have to incorporate that into my life. This, I believe, will have an effect on how I view BYU-I for now on but I hope that it enhances the experience instead of destroying it. It is fun to see some old faces and it's interesting to see what emotions return with this place. I was at my sister's old apartment building today and I half expected her and her roommates to come out. It'll will be great when she gets back up here.
The construction has changed alot of stuff. It's really weird to see what has changed. Some of it is pretty cool. Other stuff, such as city permits to park on the friggin street qualifies and retardedness, in all it's glory. They do have this really big and new food court area that I hear is great but costs an arm and a leg. I may try it tonight.

So I will sit here in the Library, in my favorite spot and just enjoy the day. It is odd but this spot in the Library in the late afternoon or early evening is very relaxing for me. It's one of the few places I feel that I can just sit and enjoy happiness inside me. People say that happiness is a choice and while I agree to an extent, there are some things in this world that bring people happiness.


Otherwise God would have not made a beautiful world.

The Peace of the Mountains

I've been up in Mantua for the past few days and it has been great. The first day was absoluelty gorgeous. The sun was out and green covered the mountains like a soft blanket. I've really enjoyed the time here and the peace that just comes. I really need to come up more often.
Prolly one of the activities up here that I've enjoyed was having some ATVs up here. That was alot of fun. A few of us went out today and I got really muddy. That is a sign of a good go. My next stop will be Rexburg. I have to say it will be interesting to say the least. I wonder what I will think of the place and the people that I seel. I believe that if I had gone up right when I got home I would have wanted to leave. There are a few people I'm really excited to see. Others that I don't want to see. And one that I may want to run into.
I just read an article of part of the process to transport fallen soldiers home. I was somewhat sombered by it. I have alot of respect for those who work around the clock to bring home the fallen.

I love chocolate ice cream

I wonder where is the line between venting frustration about someone and attacking someone unrighteously. I have been talking alot about one individual in particular that drives me up the wall and I wonder if telling the story over and over again to people is the right thing. I wouldn't say it to their face because I don't believe they could take it but I wonder if I overstepped my bounds by talking about it so much. Should we just let them continue to be a bother and not say anything to anybody about it? or do we vent it to others so we don't bust our lid and let them know, in a not so calm way, that they are retarded? Maybe someday I will know when to speak and when not to speak. I choose avoiding this person for the time being.

Where Is My Mouse?

Well,


I'm home. This has been in and of itself an experience that is unique, yet similar to others who experience the return home after a long, life changing chapter in the book of life.
I find that exercise has become an afterthought. This is bad. Going from exercising five days a week to almost nothing played with my body alot. I found that I had less energy and I didn't feel as good. I also found that my body is taking full advantage of the abundant sleep that I am afforded. I believe it was a good thing at first. A chance for my body to heal itself. But as time wears on and I am still sleeping through my alarm and then some for several hours, I think that I need some change.
I have also found that I am adjusting to living in a predominantly Mormon society again. I love being back but when someone is exposed to the worldly side of things for too long it begins to rub off.
I hope to get into a more constant swing. I like to have a constant in life.
More to follow soon. I won't wait as long as last time. I promise.

P.S. I found my mouse.

On The Way Home

Sorry 'bout that. I've been out for a bit.

I went to the field two weeks ago to have a comprehensive test of my skills in the field and it was quite an experience. The average day lasted about 19-20 hours. Sometimes I was lucky to get two hours of sleep. But I functioned just fine without coffee (unlike my counterparts) and I didn't use caffeine. I was quite proud of myself. The blessings of the Word of Wisdom will take care of you. I am also glad to know that I can consistently work on 2-4 hours of sleep, though I won't look for the opportunity.
There have been few times in my life that I felt like I accomplished something great. One of these times was the last day of my field training exercise. We cleaned up, geared up, and marched out to get picked up by the buses. My team of 6 was the last ones left because of room so we sat around for about 20 minutes waiting for the bus to come and get us which was perfectly fine for us because being able to lay down and just relax and rest was fabulous. It was such a treat, for lack of a better word. But while a total of eight of us shared a whole bus I felt so proud of the work that I accomplished these passed few months and that I was able to make it when 35 percent of the class was failed out. I love the moments of relaxation after a very hard and strenuous period. They seem very sweet. No wonder we had to come to this earth to learn. The bad makes the good that much better.

So now I am on the way home. And after being gone for some time it is nice to be going back.

Up Down Up Down Up Down Up Down.....

Thus my week has been.

I found out last Saturday that my Grandpa passed away , after I got back from an all day training event. Not my favorite end to a day. That following Monday the Red Cross sent a message to my company and I was called in to the office of the Lead Platoon Sergeant. I knew it what it was about but it was still hard to stay composed when my sergeant said that he was sorry but he had some bad news that my grandpa had passed away. He said that he would do everything to get me to the funeral which is to take place Thursday (tomorrow - he's a good man. He seemed the most serious in helping) and that I needed to talk to several sergeants to get it all worked out. The liaison sergeant to the class detachment seemed less than concerned to get anything rolling. Maybe it was his style but it bothered me slightly. So I talked to my class sergeant at the liaison sergeant's order and waited two days to hear back that I could not leave without losing my spot in the class and he would have to put in my recycle packet, meaning several more months in this place. (all happened today) So I'm staying here which is hard. I really wanted to go. Especially since Grandpa was prior military.

This was not everything. I did struggle with the idea of going. If I had gone I would have missed my chance to earn a badge from the German Army that I have wanted really bad for a long time now. I can't tell you how sad I was that I had to choose and in consequence miss the opportunity to get the badge. It's not offered everywhere. It was compounded when I didn't reach my intended score for my Physical Training test Tuesday. I missed another award that I was going for. I can't tell you how devastated I was when that happened. I may sound like someone who just wants awards but to me it's goals that I know I can work for. It helps me keep my mind sharp and gives me purpose and a sense of fulfillment. So when I didn't get it I was devastated that I missed the one chance I had to achieve something seeing that at the time I wasn't going to make it for the German Army badge. I can really say that when you don't get something you're really shooting for, it sucks. But I found that it was a good chance to lean on the Lord. I didn't do so well on that as I wanted to. I'm trying to do better.
So here I am. Not going when I thought I was and I was OK with missing stuff here. I had made that choice that my family was more important than badges.

Now I can't go. But I decided that while I would rather be in Colorado now with my family, I will, in honor of Lloyd Frey, or Grandpa, I will achieve the German Armed Forces Badge -Gold for him.

The Wisdom of Parents

I had the opportunity to be home for a few weeks before I left for basic training. My mom saw this as an opportunity to put my muscles to work and have me build a patio and do yard work. Her reasoning of why I should do it was because it would prepare me for the Army. I thought that maybe the weightlifting would prolly help but I never realized how on target my mom was.

Today I spent the morning picking weeds and hauling rocks.

Can anyone say creepy? It was like a flashback to home, minus the music I was able to listen to there. But I find that, once again, the tedious work at home really did prepare me for the Army. Quite literally. So if anybody asks in the future how I learned to be a good soldier, I will not say my Drill Sergeants. It was my mom.

Marginal

It seems that everything likes to bug you all at once.

Today was a rather marginal day. More on the less side than not. I was rather bored because I didn't have alot to do but that gave me time to think about dumb situations that I find myself in and a partner who is bent on provoking a reaction from me. (i.e. slugging him in the face, cussing him out) He just likes to try and get under my skin.
I am rather frustrated with BYU-I. They just seem to really mess with my plans. I wich they would just be a little more flexable with things.
Girls are driving me crazy.
There is something about this section of my education that does not do me well. I havn't been very upidy since we've started.


..............................................................sigh.......................................................................


It will get better soon.

Sunday Dinners

I would love to have Sunday dinner at home today. It was one of the things I looked forward to in the week cause I knew it was just a good chance to relax with the family. My last Sunday dinner home was almost perfect. The weather was quite pristine. it was late summer but it wasn't too hot. We were able to eat out in the backyard and we played Parcheesi (which is one of the best games ever). I didn't say much. I prefered to just soak it in. I can't wait to be home again for that. It will be awhile before we are all there. Another year and some change. But I'll be there to enjoy it if all goes well.

We talked about Isaiah in church today. I need to study it more.