Sense of accomplishment comes from doing what you know to be right, regardless of their difficulty.
I am now sitting back, drinking a Stewart's root beer(4 for a buck! how do you pass that up?), after making and eating dinner. My hard accomplishment of the day.
It's been a rather quite day. Church in the morning, nap in the afternoon, dinner in the evening. I have religion homework that I should do but, in true spirit of this whole weekend, I am putting it off. I've decided that either I've become trunky way too early for this semester or it hasn't worn off yet from last semester. Luckily my school load isn't too much. Maybe that's a bad thing, no drive to get my rear in gear. But I am pulling it off.
Today I have achieved the peak of my annoyance with my roommates. Now let's put this in relevancy, in alll fairness I am not that annoyed with them. I think they are pretty cool, but it is so blatantly obvious that they just got out of high school that it's pathetic sometimes. I don't like the idea but it's bugging me that I may have to play mom. I'd rather take the Drill Sergeant approach. But I feel that would quickly lead to bad feelings in the apartment. Though I still think that leaving clothes in the bathroom is a I'm-not-ready-to-be-an-adult show of character. (I have a feeling that I could be pegged on this one sometimes, but it's college, at least I don't do it here!) But they are still pretty cool kids, just need some life experience.
I went and saw Vocal Point yesterday. Absolutely fantastic. I loved it. Even though I couldn't find a date! (I tried all week) I wish they would come more often.
I'm reading a book on combat. the psychological and physiological effects on the body from combat. I find it rather interesting. He talks about how the intense fear that comes from high-stress situations makes us lose our fine motor skills. That is why training is so important. When something high stress happens you fall back into instincts. An example he shared is that, as families, you should unplug the phone and practice dialing 911 with your kids because in a situation where someone is scared they will forget what to do if they have not practiced it. He said to do this once a year. That way when someone is super scared they can react automatically and dial 911.
I would love to go to Europe right now. A good walk in the city of Colmar in eastern France or Bienne, a half german, half french city in Switzerland. I loved it in the winter time there. I really need to go back.
Well, I am going to enjoy the rest of my evening.

Let us not pity...

Well, here I am, after a long absence.
I figure a major reason I miss being full time in my job is that it gives me the ability to concentrate. particularly not on dating. I don't know why it's been on my mind so much. It's driving me up a wall. both because I feel a little highschoolish about it and because i seem to have luck in all the wrong places. I would like it to just be smooth.
One girl is the current focus. and I don't like it. it's just a pain in the teepee. and I'd rather not deal with it. I've been tempted to just talk to her about it but that would probably be awkward. i have a hard time just letting things pan out. I'd rather establish what's going on. saves time and effort. I also am wondering about what to do with some other girls that apparently really like me. I don't know what to say to them. and it's annoying. first because I just don't feel the same and secondly because I feel like I'm in their shoes with someone else. which is more humiliating than anything. all this is in light of the fact that there is a girl that I get along with exceptionally well and who would date me(if the time was right) but, for some reason, I don't see it working out right now. which continues to leave me in a pickle.
I figure the only reason I bother with this so much is because school isn't really holding my attention very well. call it a small form of ADD. the military did wonders, I never had much time to think and I did love it so it allowed me to concentrate. School has yet to do that. I'm just glad I don't have school tomorrow. I just need a balance. I need a change of pace. something to keep me going I guess. I have no idea how I am going to endure two more years up here. *disclaimer* it is rather late so you are reading me at my pinnacle of rants.
I hate the commercials on pandora. sell outs.
on a better note I like all of my classes! that is much better than last semester. I hope it stays that way. I would like to have a good semester up here.
well, I'm super tired and i will prolly have more upsetting dreams. I've been having some latley. last night was a pitched battle in Iraq. I never like killing in a dream. it seems way too real. ugh, not excited for tomorrow.
I do have some things to say on moral discipline. I really think that this is important. regardless of what you want you should have a moral compass. this will lead to more happiness than doing what ever willy-nilly will ever do. A consecrated life is what I need to strive for.

Alter-Ego???

Something recently caught my attention. For the past year and a half or so people that I meet or am acquainted with believe that I am married and are surprised when they find out that I am not. This slightly baffles me because I am not sure what I do that gives off a 'married' vibe. Maybe this is the root of all my lack of dating. I asked some friends why people may think that way and they say it's because I seem wise for my age. That makes me laugh but I am still confused what I do exactly to exude the married persona.

Flu Shots

It was first on the order of business. Flu shots. Free flu shots. They lined us up in no particular fashion, my platoon was first. once they got started it was rolling pretty fast. I stepped up, stated my name to be checked off a roster saying that I did this (they are making sure everybody does) and i de-bloused and rolled up my left sleeve.

"Have you had bad reactions to flu shots before?" stated the captain rather non-descript.

"no sir"

"have you had a fever in the last 24 hours?"

"no sir"

came the reply and with an attitude like he had been doing this the last 24 hours he summarily stuck me with the needle. Just another soldier in the life of the day of this doctor. It didn't really hurt at all when it was first inserted but he wasted no time injecting me with the virus, which ended quickly and kinda hurt towards the end. a bit of blood was running down my arm and I was a bit sore but I survived the shot. I put my blouse back on and continued with the day.
I enjoyed the weekend. Being home was really nice because for some reason I felt like a kid again. I half expected dillon and mckay to come up to do something. Maybe it was where I slept. It had been a very long time since the last time I slept in that room. It was rather nice and relaxing. I have good memories of the days when alot of people occupied the upstairs. At one point we were all up there except for Lincoln. That was fun. But I have no idea how it was done now that I think about it.

I do love fall.

The semester is a little over half way over. I still think it's amazing how quickly it's going. Hopefully I can keep up.

By the way, my arm is still rather sore from the shot yesterday

And It's Brighter Than Sunshine

I think I just realized something. Let me frame it.

I feel like I have no direction.

I hate that.

I think that's why (here comes my realization) I was generally happier while at training, a more cruel and harsh environment, because at least there I had a direction and an end goal that would perpetuate beyond the current reality. This does not seem to be the case here. The credit cap and social pressures refuse me leeway to find something that I actually care about spending mucho dollars on and giving the time to it (i.e. career, my life outside of family and church). I have no idea what I am going to do with my degree.
But, on a good note. I am going to a choir concert! that's like ice cream on a bad day. I don't really hate it that bad though. Just getting use to change.

So a person who does not believe in God and that all people are his children, where do they get the authority to say that they deserve rights? (I do not believe this way but I am curious)

Good to see you again.

It's been awhile.


I've been meaning to write. There are sseveral things that I would have written about. but I guess I never got around to it. This post does not come without sacrifice though. I am procrastinating doing homework, which means that I will be up later than I really should. But at this moment I don't really care.

The summer ended well. It was a good summer. Not what I expected but I'm fine with that. It ended, in my opinion, with a bang. I went to my first Military Ball. It was exciting and I though that my date looked exceptionally nice. Beautiful if I must. But then it led me to here. BYU-I

Which part of me is not wanting to be here. Maybe it's school in general. I dunno. I think it's my mood of tonight but it's growing old.

Classes are going well. I enjoy my Political Science classes, feel impartial about my religion class, and don't really care for my Military Science class.
I do enjoy learning about governments and law. What they are and how they operate. It's interesting to me to study these things. Some things I get some I feel that I am lost in the sauce. But all in all I enjoy it.
I went to court today for one of my classes. That was really interesting. It was mainly for motor infractions and what not. Some people really got a beating (not literally) when their sentencing happened. One girl got a 1400 dollar fine for not having proof of insurance for the second time.

Ouch.

On the other hand a gentleman came in with a smile on his face. He was the exception to this lot of law breakers with solemn faces. One guy was caught with illegal substance. Oops!

Another happy face in court.......

Girls. Sigh.
Did you know that two of my prospects for this semester fell through this semester??? in a matter of two days! This is NOT encouraging when there is someone who I want to be with and she with me. (why we are not is a long story, all you need to know is that we are not and that I know what I'm doing....sorta.) It was a bummer blow. I will never understand.
On top of that all I feel like I can do is stand there and take the lumps. I don't even have a desire for the military to save me and send me far away.

I am watching the time slip away, knowing that with each succeeding minute I am prolonging the inevitable.

Homework


I went home for the day today. Actually I got in last night. It was good to be home. reminds me how much this place is not home. I would actually just rather live a quiet live in Mantua.
Yes, that sounds really nice right now.

We The People.....

Today is the 4th of July. I woke up and the weather looked about the same way I felt. Cloudy.

I wonder why it is that when you want something and that something becomes an actual possibility you second-guess and wonder if that's what you really want.

Today is the birthday of the United States. I am really thankful for the opportunity I have to serve in it's military. I don't think it's perfect but I do believe that it gives the chance for people to choose. That is really important. But to be honest I don't fight for obscure principles that are debated in Washington. I fight so that people have the chance to choose good. But mainly I fight so that my family can continue to be the force for good that they are in this world. I love this country and I hope that we do all we can to merit the grace of God to continue to prosper and give people the chance to progress. I will always defend the Constitution and what it stands for as guiding principles of freedom.

The weather has improved and my mood with it. I think that I will figure out what I need to do, probably after a few bouts of panic but I will get there.

Happy Birthday America. You're not perfect but you're still great.